This Month’s Miracles:

  • Evan initiated a ‘high-five’ with me and actually said ‘five’. Amazing!
  • Evan ran up to Tessa and wrapped his arms around her – he said ‘hug’ while doing so!
  • Normally, we leave Mammie and Gramps house through the garage door.  However, the other day we left through the front door. Evan recognized that we were leaving and said ‘bye’ numerous times.
  • Evan has been saying ‘uh-na’ and ‘tessssssssa’….his sisters names!
  • While running through the apartment (his primary self-stimulatory behavior), he yelled ‘run’!  He was so excited…and so was I!
  • Evan reached up to give Jesse a hug at bedtime. Then wrapped his arms around his neck and squeezed.  Evan requests a lot of hugs and receives them, but ‘giving’ hugs is a little more rare. So special…
  • Evan moved up from the nursery to the preschool room at church! The big boy definitely enjoyed the new toys and was a pleasant addition to the classroom.
  • Evan started school. By the second day, he walked right on the bus with no problems. He seems to be enjoying his days and napping a little better in the afternoons. I think they may be wearing him out a little!

Overall, there have been quite a few words at random this month. Here are some goals that I am going to work for this month:

  • Use a PECS card for the school bus to show Evan where we are going and help him to learn that word. Figure out the sign language for it too and start using it!
  • Evan tends to wander during meal and snack times. I really want to nip this particular behavior.  At dinner, we will be continually sitting him back in his seat and prompting him to say or sing ‘all done’ when finished.
  • Gather and read resources regarding potty training children with autism. Evan has been tugging at his diaper, because it is uncomfortable. I feel this may be a sign to start moving in that direction.
  • I have been working on my ‘alone time’.  Each morning for several weeks, I have been able to set time aside to read my Bible and a small devotional. I really want to add exercise into this routine, because I want to be healthier. I know it seems like this goal doesn’t relate to Evan, but I am learning that I need some ‘me-time’.  Especially, since most of my time is ‘kid time’ or ‘work time’ or a myriad of other responsabilities!

If you think of us and are praying, then I’ve got a request. I’ve been feeling that God wants us to pray that our kids, and especially Evan, that they are fertile soil. The parable of the sower is typically meant to signify the way that different people respond to the gospel – we can be rocky soil, weedy soil or fertile soil.  I just really feel called to pray that my kids will be fertile soil for the right things – that the things we are trying to teach them and working towards will flourish and grow and take root in their hearts!

 

 

 

 

This Dream

August 25, 2011

I have this dream. It involves Jesse and I sitting on our couch in the morning. He’s sipping coffee and we are talking about the upcoming things in our day. Then, we hear ‘the sounds’ emanating from upstairs. And soon, six sets of little feet come pitter-pattering down the stairs. We help them grab their bowls of cereal and glasses of milk.  As we all converge around the living area, Jesse prays and reads something from the Bible.

That’s it. That’s my dream. Its simple. Nothing fancy. It has been my dream since I met him – Jesse. I always wanted a lot of kids and when he said 6 sounded fun – well, we were meant for each other. We got married and started building our lives together.

We bought a huge house and got pregnant. Our little lady arrived on the scene.

Around this time, we fell in love with the youth group at our church.  We felt God calling us.  At the same time, Jesse discovered a calling to return to college and study graphic design.  He started a work from home job and went back to school. I started working full-time.  We became the youth ministers at our church and we just felt so excited about the things God was bringing into our lives.  Soon, this little dude came too.  And we were very excited.

Jesse’s work-from-home job became demanding – they didn’t even give him 2 days off for Evan’s birth.  I had a c-section and had limitations – I couldn’t carry anything heavier than the baby.  This made it hard to care for our little ones.  In the end, Jesse had to leave that job.  We moved out of our gargantuan house and into a two bedroom apartment.  Six months later, we were officially in foreclosure.  I started working night shift. I got pregnant. We stepped down from ministry.  The bill tally was $1000 more than we made each month. Peanut butter and jelly was our daily staple.  It began to feel a little less ‘exciting’. 

In my third month of pregnancy, I developed kidney stones.  In my fifth month, overwhelmed by the circumstances around me, I became depressed and suicidal.   Our apartment lease ended and my parents offered to let us live with them. I think ‘very worried’ hardly described my mom’s feelings.

We moved in and welcomed some Good News.

At Evan’s 18-month check-up, the doctor was concerned about his lack of speech.  Soon we sat in a neurologist’s office and listened to his remarks that we were likely looking at ‘autism spectrum disorder’. 

In these moments, I felt so far from the patter of six little feet and Bible readings over coffee. Some days I still feel pretty far from it.  I wonder if it is even worth considering anymore. 

At the beginning of this year, a good friend of our’s prayed for us.  He told us that God was going to restore us this year.  I remember feeling hopeful and doubtful, all at the same time. 

Saturday was Jesse and I’s sixth anniversary.  Unfortunately, with my new job, I had not been able to request it off. However, that morning I received a call saying that I could have the day of.  Lying in bed, I began to think about the last year and the gratitude just overwhelmed me. 

We paid off over $30,000 in debt, when I only made $21,000 the entire year. We moved out on our own. Jesse got a job – a great one. I got a job – a great one, with great hours.  I’m starting to feel restored.  This morning, I had this song in my head:

It’s been a long, hard road these last few years. Yet, it seems we are finally rounding the bend.  In the end, all of the struggle, the pain – it led us straight to Him. We could not have survived it all without Jesus. It sounds hokey and cliche, but He truly has been our Savior. 

Which brings me to Evan…

I just hope this road leads him straight to You, Jesus.

In the Bittersweet

July 30, 2011

As we opened his birthday gifts, I realized how different my little guy was.  Most three-year-olds have an insatiable thirst to know what is in each gift.  I remember Arianna ripping through each package and exclaiming in delight every few minutes. 

I had Evan wedged between my knees, the sofa and the coffee table.  As we brought the first package over, I used hand-over-hand assistance with him to get the tissue paper out of the bag.  Then, to his delight I pulled out a Mr. Potato Head.  For a good 10 minutes, he fiddled with the head and body parts – even getting the shoes on the potatoes head.  He was quite happy.  In fact, I doubt he really needed any more gifts. 

But, of course, there were more gifts…

As we brought the next bag over, Evan became distressed at the rustling of tissue paper.  When I tried to use hand-over-hand with him, he went into full meltdown.  Something in my heart squeezed. 

Such a joyful time – birthdays.  Celebrating.  Happiness.

Shadowed.  It was okay that he needed more time with each gift.  It was okay that only certain types of toys would interest him. It was okay that he needed help opening them. 

As a mom, it didn’t feel okay that he was crying on his birthday while opening presents.  It was a shadow.  It didn’t ruin anything and we (including Evan) all had fun.  But it was a shadow. 

A shadow of what things are meant to be, how they are supposed to be. 

It was bittersweet. 

A shadow of Evan’s potential.

Because he has potential.  I refuse to believe otherwise.  It won’t be this way forever. 

So I’ll just remember the sweet.  How, after we sang ‘Happy Birthday’, he let out a loud “WOOH-WOOH”.  And how he loved his new trains…

And most importantly, Mr. Potato Head…

Evan Turns Three!

July 21, 2011

Believe it or not, the little man has turned three!  Its hard to believe this little guy…

Has grown into this little dude…

We love him so much and are celebrating his birthday today! 

When I see people at church or in the grocery store, they sometimes ask me ‘How is Evan doing?’  For a long time, it was a hard to spit out an answer.  ‘He still doesn’t talk…’ is not quite the best response, as you can imagine. 

Awhile ago, I determined that it might be good to just respond with the good things Evan had been up to.  In fact, I notice that more people take an interest in him now that I do this.  So, in an effort to keep those of you reading my blog up-to-date, I think I am going to start posting a progress report monthly. 

I hope you enjoy reading about the little miracles, as much as I enjoy seeing them!

July’s Miracles

  • Evan gave me a kiss!  I did not ask for one, nor was it bedtime (which is when we normally kiss).  Loved it!
  • Evan said ‘Apple’ on the Fourth of July!
  • He is still bringing us his sippy cup when he needs more to drink.
  • We prompt him to say ‘eat’ when he is hungry and he actually does it!
  • He has graduated from First Steps and will start full-time ABA therapy in September! 
  • When we ask for a hug, he comes and gives us one.
  • Evan understands the word ‘go’ in many different contexts now – pretty useful when we need to transition!
  • Evan can walk up and down 6-7 steps with a hand on the wall or railing.  When we hold his hand, he even alterntes feet!
  • Tessa spilled Evan’s bowl of crackers last week.  Evan picked them up himself without ANY prompting – even putting them in his bowl!
  • One of the skills we are emphasizing lately is getting dressed.  Evan can now pull up his pants all by himself (with prompting).  He also slips his shoes on (with visual prompting) and tugs on his shirt to get it over his head (no prompting). 

Changes Made in July

  • We have begun praying over Evan nightly, before bed.  We pray that God will super-charge his development.  And, most importantly, we tell Autism to go away in the name of Jesus!  He seems to really like this whole process, because he smiles and giggles at us (making lots of eye contact).  He is probably thinking, “What are you crazy people doing now?” 
  • We actually stopped the GFCFSF diet!  Our doctor wanted to see if Evan had changes in his behavior when he was taken off of the diet.  Things are looking good so far – its been about a week and a half!  And our budget has certainly benefited!

To wrap it up…

I read a book by Mother Teresa in high school.  In it, she wrote…

“We can do no great things. Only small things with great love.”

This quote speaks strongly to my ‘mother’s heart’.  Sometimes we can look over the small things in our day, like filling a sippy cup or playing with blocks.  Yet, these are the most important moments.  Evan learns in completely different ways than other children.  Words, actions – they mean nothing to him most of the time.  But the moment I take my hand, put it on his and help him do something – it becomes real.  Its ‘mothering’ to the extreme. 

When I first started this journey with Evan, I thought one thing would make the difference and help him turn the corner.  Now, I know it is the little things.  It is the daily prayers.  The hand-over-hand, the extra mile when I am tired – that he needs most. 

Pray for me.  Its hard to fill every action with love.

And I will pray for you – that every action is filled with love.

This week my mom fell and broke her humerus – near the top, just before the ball joint of the shoulder.  She has been in the hospital and had surgery and hopefully comes home today.  YaY! 

Unfortunately, I just came off a stretch of working 6 days in a row!  I think I have seen my kids for all of an hour each day.  My house is turning to chaos and the laundry is stacking up. 

Two nights ago, I was driving home from the hospital and thinking about the next day’s tasks.  In the midst of wondering when I would see my children and how my husband was surviving all of this, I turned on the radio (K-LOVE by the way).  Of course, they were doing this wonderful segment on the many roles of mothers and how to balance those roles!  Hmmm….God must be listening to the rambling in my head and decided I needed some encouragement!  LOVE it when He does that!

Needless to say, I have not learned any revelatory insights about how to balance my roles of mother, mother of a child with special needs, wife, bread-winner, homemaker, daughter, etc…

All I can say is that encouragement is the most important thing.  Some days you have to decide between one role or another – that’s just how it is.  There is always something that you can do to make a certain relationship or task better.  Perfection is impossible.  If I focus on it, then I become depressed.  Which brings me to encouragement…

Sometimes its unexpected – like Evan gave me a kiss yeseterday!  Sometimes its purposeful – like when my husband says I am the most wonderful wife!  Sometimes its divinely inspired – like on my way home in the car listening to the radio!  And other times you just have to find it yourself! 

Finding it yourself. 

I’m a big believer in the fact that God gives us all of the tools we need.  If we rely on Him and ask Him to show us encouragement, then He will do that.  You never know where or when it will come, but its there. 

Even when you think its not!

This is what I found today…

So what is encouraging you today?