This week my mom fell and broke her humerus – near the top, just before the ball joint of the shoulder.  She has been in the hospital and had surgery and hopefully comes home today.  YaY! 

Unfortunately, I just came off a stretch of working 6 days in a row!  I think I have seen my kids for all of an hour each day.  My house is turning to chaos and the laundry is stacking up. 

Two nights ago, I was driving home from the hospital and thinking about the next day’s tasks.  In the midst of wondering when I would see my children and how my husband was surviving all of this, I turned on the radio (K-LOVE by the way).  Of course, they were doing this wonderful segment on the many roles of mothers and how to balance those roles!  Hmmm….God must be listening to the rambling in my head and decided I needed some encouragement!  LOVE it when He does that!

Needless to say, I have not learned any revelatory insights about how to balance my roles of mother, mother of a child with special needs, wife, bread-winner, homemaker, daughter, etc…

All I can say is that encouragement is the most important thing.  Some days you have to decide between one role or another – that’s just how it is.  There is always something that you can do to make a certain relationship or task better.  Perfection is impossible.  If I focus on it, then I become depressed.  Which brings me to encouragement…

Sometimes its unexpected – like Evan gave me a kiss yeseterday!  Sometimes its purposeful – like when my husband says I am the most wonderful wife!  Sometimes its divinely inspired – like on my way home in the car listening to the radio!  And other times you just have to find it yourself! 

Finding it yourself. 

I’m a big believer in the fact that God gives us all of the tools we need.  If we rely on Him and ask Him to show us encouragement, then He will do that.  You never know where or when it will come, but its there. 

Even when you think its not!

This is what I found today…

So what is encouraging you today?

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The Happiest Boy

May 29, 2011

This week my Monday spiraled out of control.  I took Evan to the first day of his evaluations for the school system.  These are done while a group of 5-6 kids participates in two days of pre-school classes.  The speech and occupational therapist, as well as a school psychologist evaluate the children through the morning. 

Eager mother that I am, I arrived 20 minutes early.  As the other children arrived, Evan came and sat on my lap.  He made his usual happy and excited noises.  Of course, the other children (who are also developmentally delayed) were all talking.  I saw the parents looking askance at us and I knew what they were thinking. 

Perhaps my son (or daughter) isn’t as behind as I thought! 

And, of course, I was thinking:

Wow, he’s so much further behind than I thought!

Obviously, discouragement was knocking on my door. 

When I arrived home that evening, I got the mail and opened a large, letter envelope from the organization First Steps.  First Steps completed Evan’s yearly evaluation last week and I knew these were the results.  There are five developmental areas listed in their evaluation: gross motor skills, fine motor skills, social, communication/language and cognitive.  The rating scale spans from -20 (severly delayed) to zero (developing normally).   When I saw the scale, I groaned internally. 

Can we not evaluate this like movies – 5 stars for developing normally and 1 star for delayed!  At least he would be getting stars instead of NEGATIVE numbers!! 

Sighing, I proceeded to the next page which detailed Evan’s scores.

-20 Cognitive, -20 Social, -15 Language, -9 Fine Motor Skills and developing normally in gross motor skills.

At least he can be a professional athelete.

I was fairly close to despair.  Wishing and longing, yet again, for ABA therapy – the most effective ‘treatment’ for autism. 

I went to bed and dreamed that I was a secret agent chasing down ABA therapists (have to love that subconscious mind, right?).

The next morning, I woke up and light was streaming through the blinds and making my covers warm.  I smiled a little bit and thought about God bringing joy in the morning.  As I was lying there, I felt God speaking to me.  He was telling me to forget about my circumstances for today.  So I determined that I wouldn’t pray, think or talk about my circumstances for the rest of the day. 

During my bath, I read a book about strengthening myself in God.  It detailed the effects of negative thinking.  In life, there is always a struggle.  If we focus on these struggles, then they consume us.  If we focus on God, then He consumes us.  Hmmm….

Consumed by God vs. Consumed by Struggle. 

I choose God. 

On my way to Evan’s evaluation, I worshiped, instead of thinking about all of our struggles.  It was an awesome time and I had a feeling that God was ‘consuming’ me.

We arrived about five minutes early and most of the other kids were there as well.  Another little boy in the evaluations started jumping up and down. 

Mom, Mom!  He’s cool!!!

I looked around, thinking he was talking about someone else only to discover that Evan was the only other boy there.  I smiled.  The boy ran over and said hi to Evan.  Evan smiled.  Then, the little boy looked up at me and I’m sure I’ll never forget his words.

He’s my friend.

As I walked back out to the car, I was misty-eyed.  I knew God was consuming me now.  I was filled with joy for the first time in so long.

The sun was shining.

I went grocery shopping (and found some amazing deals on grass-fed beef!).  When I returned to pick Evan up, the school psychologist was holding his hand.  The other children were running to their parents and Evan followed them, even though he hadn’t seen me.  This was monumental since he rarely imitates other children.  I knelt down and he saw me.  Made eye contact.  And gave me one of the best hugs. 

As I stood up, the school pyschologist walked over.  I asked her how things had gone.  She said he did well and told me about the conference for his Individualized Education Plan (IEP) in June.  I said goodbye and started to walk away, but she grabbed my arm.  I turned around to face her and she put her hand on my shoulder. 

I just want to tell you that Evan is one of the happiest boys I have seen in years. You should be commended.

To which I replied:

No, God Should Be Commended!

Today, I was glad that God reminded me of my circumstances.

I write this as my day is drawing to a close and am reminded of my favorite poem, which continually reminds me of why I love God and the music He helps me to create.  It is by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  It was introduced to me by one of my eighth grade teachers, Roberta Hite, who, I believe, may have read this blog a time or two (and certainly deserves a shout out for the many students she has produced with a love for writing). I wonder if she will remember this poem from one of our school books!

The Day Is Done

The day is done, and the darkness

Falls from the wings of Night,

As a feather is wafted downward

From an eagle in his flight.

I see the lights of the village

Gleam through the rain and the mist,

And a feeling of sadness comes o’er me

That my soul cannot resist:

A feeling of sadness and longing,

That is not akin to pain,

And resembles sorrow only

As the mist resembles the rain.

Come, read to me some poem,

Some simple and heartfelt lay,

That shall soothe this restless feeling,

And banish the thoughts of day.

Not from the grand old masters,

Not from the bards sublime,

Whose distant footsteps echo

Through the corridors of Time.

For, like strains of martial music,

Their mighty thoughts suggest

Life’s endless toil and endeavor;

And to-night I long for rest.

Read from some humbler poet,

Whose songs gushed from his heart,

As showers from the clouds of summer,

Or tears from the eyelids start;

Who, through long days of labor,

And nights devoid of ease,

Still heard in his soul the music

Of wonderful melodies.

Such songs have power to quiet

The restless pulse of care,

And come like the benediction

That follows after prayer.

Then read from the treasured volume

The poem of thy choice,

And lend to the rhyme of the poet

The beauty of thy voice.

And the night shall be filled with music

And the cares, that infest the day,

Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,

And as silently steal away.